OMG It's a Brother!

OMG, it's a Brother "Part 5"

Art Post · 5/18/2111:05 PM

It's been almost two years since I wrote my last blog on finding a full brother alive and well living in Arizona. If you're not familiar with the blog it's about my fraternal twin and I being adopted back in the summer of 1960. We were a tad over three years old and to this day I remember the ride we took down the NJ Turnpike to meet our new parents. We always knew we were adopted and that lead to some issues especially with me as I got older.

Fast forward to two and a half years ago when I received the results of my DNA and was notified that I have a full brother living in Arizona. Yes, we connected and yes me met in Vegas two years ago this week. We look more alike than my fraternal twin and I did.

The Saga Continues

In the last two years I've been able to connect with two half sisters to learn more about my birth parents or at lease my birth fathers side of the family. Both are up there in age and both are sweethearts for allowing me to test and pry their memory banks. I received a shocker that one day last summer when speaking to one of the sisters. My birth father had eight children with his wife and then my birth mother had 3 children with her husband. My birth mothers husband had left her after WW2. Some where in Bergen County, NJ my birth mother and father met and I believed they had three children (Peter full bro in Arizona and me and my twin). So between half brother/sisters and full siblings there was 14 of us. The shocker was that my birth mother and birth father produced 6 children and not the three I was led to believe. By my count that makes 17 of us! To date I've not been able to track down the other three siblings and one of the reasons is that they probably never took a DNA test. In addition my twin and I were the youngest. My birth fathers age when I was born was 47! Well at least he was a player.

Just This Week

Every now and then I get some "hints" sent to me from Ancestry.com. I'll open the email and see if it's something new or just some of the same old hints that have been coming across for years now. There was a new name that I was not aware of so I logged into Ancestry. That new name didn't go anywhere but there was a PM from someone. Okay, let's check it out because just maybe it's a hit from a full sibling. The PM was from a women in NY and stated that I was showing up as a 1st cousin with a 15% DNA hit. Sometimes with Ancestry a DNA hit like that could also mean a full sibling thus I was willing to check it our further. Stuff just started to click, this person was adopted out two days after birth and not the legit way but given to another family. The year was 1963 and the location of the birth was in North Jersey which is right in line with my birth family.

DNA Does Not Lie

Okay, 15% DNA hit, North Jersey birth, adopted out not the legit way and all of this was adding up that this could be a close family member. Of course I reached out to her and she shared with me that she knew and had met her birth mother. She gave me her full name and maiden name and both of those names were names I was not familiar with birth family circle. Right, back to the DNA, I then asked her who else she share DNA with and then the names fell into place. One was my full brother and one was a nephew of mine that were on Ancestry. So it had to be from my birth fathers side of the family and yea that was probably the right conclusion from the start, however take it from one who knows birth certifications from that era can have false information.

All She Wanted Was...

Like me many years ago all I wanted was to find some type of connection in the world. Who came before me, how did I get here, where were we from and who were my birth parents. It was more like needing closure to to along standing puzzle that couldn't be finished because you didn't have all of the pieces. Today I was one of those pieces that could help her put a name and a face of her birth father.

I felt on top of the world today because I thought I had the contacts that could help her figure out who her father was. For me it was a choice of two people my father (the man about town) or one of his sons. There were only two sons and one was killed in a car accident in 57 and that only left the one son.

I called my "go to" nephew in PA and we chatted about the names and threw around some scenario's an in the end he need to reach out to his Aunt/my half sister to she what she remembered.

By the End of the Day

Turns out that my half brother had a short marriage back int the early sixties and was then involved with another woman who turns out to be the mother of the person who contacted me. I was told that my half brother and her had a baby although he wasn't around anymore because he decided to change teams if you get my drift. That baby was her! My half brother also passed away back in 1990.

End result is the person that contact me is my niece and I'm her uncle. She was elated that after all of this time she finally had solved the puzzle of who her father was. I felt awesome that I could help this stranger that turned out to be family in finding that last piece of the puzzle. Thus the reason I just had to write this tonight.

Adoption

As with many adoptions it's more about be careful of what you wish for. In most cases adoptions back in that day (at least in northern NJ) were from unwed mothers that were Catholic and since they were Catholic those mothers carried the babies to term and many made local arrangements for the adoptions.

In closing I'm never been so thankful for the faith that people put on lives in the Catholic Church for born and unborn.

Art

OMG It's a Brother!

OMG, it's a Brother "Part 4"

Art Post · 7/23/1911:09 PM

It's been about three months since my trip to Itex 2019 where I had the chance to meet Peter (birth full brother) for the first time. Yup, there's been a lot to digest since Ancestry gave me that DNA hit for a full brother.

Just a few days ago I have the chance to meet Pete's daughter (my niece), she flew out to NJ with her Aunt. Such a smart girl for 11 eleven years old. We had the chance to go out to dinner and after dinner I took them over to Sandy Hook so they could have some fun with the Atlantic Ocean. Later that evening I brought them to my shop where she helped herself to some of the shell jewelry that I make. A great time for someone who was small on family.

DNA Connections

Speaking of small on family my Ancestry DNA connections to date stands at 10,100! WFT, I went from 3 to more than 10K after taking the test.

During the last three months I've always dome my fair share or digging in Ancestry. Not sure if you remember from the first blog I wrote, but I made mention that I had received a non redacted copy of my birth certificate a few years ago. Two years of search birth, death, marriage and baptism records turned up ZERO. These two people did not exist or maybe they were part of a coverup, better yet may they were sequestered away and given new identities from the Government? The thought even crossed my mind since I was born in NJ and am of Italian heritage that maybe there was some type of mob thing going on? Those crazy thoughts can go through your head when you're left with dead ends.

Thanks to Ancestry they will list DNA matches for "close family" members which could be an Aunt or an Uncle. Moving down the list are peeps listed as "first cousins", then "second cousins" they'll even list all the way to eighth cousins.

Ancestry also gives you the ability to PM those peeps and then it's up to that person if they'd like to respond.

Private Eye

Here's what I found after playing private eye and fitting the pieces of the puzzle together for who were my birth parents. When you get to a certain age you'd like to know because of medical reasons. The only thing I had to go on was the medical history of my twin. He passed almost twenty years ago.

The key person in all of this was my 92 year old aunt (my birth mothers sister) that is still living in Florida. I was not able to speak with her since she is not in the best of health. But through Ancestry I was able to connect with one of her granddaughters who did some digging for me. She also gave me my aunt's maiden name. This was huge!

With Ancestry all you need is a few names, a few places, and a few chats and the jumble of people pieces can start to come together.

Ready? So my birth parents fibbed about their last names (not their first names), can you imagine that? Lying to someone in the hospital about your names, guessing there was no medical coverage at the time and no one was asking for ID's? Thus the reason that these two people did not exist on google or anywhere else.

Birth Mother

Birth mothers last name was Casazza and not Gall as the birth certificate stated. She did not fib about her first name which is Dorothy. That real last name was a huge help because I was then able to see birth, death, census and marriage records of other peeps in the family. In a month or I so I was able to find out that my birth mother had three additional sisters. In addition I was able to find my birth grandparents (long deceased). Thus I kept PM'ing other cousins and found out more about my birth mother. She was married in the late 30's and her husband went off for WW2. They had three children (these would be my half siblings) two boys and one girl. At time my half sister is deceased and maybe another brother (can't clarify). There is one half brother alive and living in Florida. Keep in mind that these siblings were born in the forties. Thus my birth mothers husband survives WW2 comes home and leaves his wife for another woman. First STUNNER! My birth mother then gives two of the siblings (brother and sister) up to an orphanage and the other brother goes to one of her sisters. This is all happening in NJ.

It's now the 50's and my birth mother is still in New Jersey. Through others I heard she had a wicked sense of humor and was very creative. My birth mother passed about 25 years ago in NJ. The cool thing is that I do have a picture of her (at least I think i do).

Birth Father

Construction in New Jersey, born in Nebraska, first name is Nicholas, all of that is true. The fib was the last name again. Last name on my birth certificate was Conti.

I forgot to state this earlier my 92 year old aunt had her DNA on Ancestry. Now I find that amazing because you just don't see that many profiles of elderly people on Ancestry. I'm thinking that maybe she wanted to be found because she knew her sister gave up three additional children for adoption in the 50s. Me, my twin brother (Tony) and Pete. Frak, it's the only thing that seemed logical to me.

Right, back the DNA stuff. For months I was at a stale mate with my birth fathers side of the family. I had some hints, some ideas but nothing rock sold with a DNA hit. The construction worker, came from Nebraska and the first name Nicholas. Wait for it.........my sons first name is Nicholas! I tell ya it gets crazy.

K, so I have a couple of leads and those leads are pointing me to this one family in Bergen County, NJ. But with no DNA hit and the some of the last names not matching exactly it was a crap shoot. I did have some help with a third cousin who had a huge family tree and that's where I got many of my leads for possible family members. I'm thinking it was about six weeks ago and a new close DNA match of a first cousin came up on Ancestry. Sure enough that DNA match pulled together the rest of the family puzzle. My birth fathers last name was Biancullo. So, there you have it both last names of both birth parents.

Husband & Wife?

Now it gets creepy. That would be a no. Seems like my birth father had an extended affair with my birth mother in the middle 50's. Could have went on longer but getting info out of my birth fathers side of the family difficult to say the least. My birth father passed about 15 year ago in NJ. Turns out he had eight children with his wife (that's eight more half brothers and sisters), and with some digging on ancestry I believe his father had 12 brothers and sisters (not exactly sure). Thus 8 half brothers and sisters on the fathers side, 3 more on the mothers side along with Pete, Tony and me. WTF!

One other note my birth father was 47 years old and my birth mother was 35 years old when I was born. Just thought I'd through that in because.....

DNA does not lie. Ain't that the truth.

I think it was about four weeks ago when I had a message from someone on facebook. It was a reply to the picture that I posted on facebook of Peter and I in Vegas at Itex2019. The message was "I guess this makes me your cousin". Well that was enough for me to respond and indeed this person was my cousin. One of the peeps that I had connected with on Ancestry did some research also and pointed him to me with my contact information. Guess he did some searching like I did on Facebook. Facebook is also an incredible resource that helped me.

We messaged a few times through Facebook, and he offered to chat on the phone and gave me his cell. I called and we spoke for at least an hour if not longer. He is the son of one my birth fathers daughters, however he also got adopted out in the mid sixties. He wasn't able to find out his family until he got his non redacted birth certificate from the State of New Jersey also. His however did have the correct last name of his birth mother. Thus here's a guy who had done all of the research on my birth fathers side of the family.

One of the talk tracks that I remember is that Bergen County, NJ at one time was kinda know as the Adoption Train in NJ. Since that area was populated with many Italians, abortion for pregnancies was not an option. Thus most children were adopted out at birth or right after. Praise the lord for no abortions!

Another statement that was made is that we (Pete, Toy, me and him) were the lucky ones. Why you might ask? Well seems like the birth fathers side of the family had some issues and I'll leave it at that.

This is where I was floored.....he told me that he wasn't sure that my father was a "made man" but was a "connected guy". Remember when I started this blog and I made mention of my initial thoughts why I couldn't find them?

I was stunned. he went on to tell me that many of these types of guys kept mistresses aside from their marriage. In fact that many named their daughters after their mistresses. One of his daughters has my birth mothers first name. In fact get this, my mothers maiden name on my birth certificate is listed as Gall. My birth fathers wife's maiden name is Gall.

I can only think that I may have more half brothers and sisters out there because some of the peeps that I connected with on Ancestry have no recollection of the family names I mentioned.\

I'd also like to say that I've connected with a few cousins and many nieces and nephews and all of them have been awesome in helping me in my journey. Finally it puts the rest the mystery that I was carrying for 59 years. I can still remember me and Tony in the back seat of a car rolling down the New Jersey Turnpike. We asked where are we going (we had just left our foster home, which we thought was our real home), we were told we were on our way to meet our new parents. Looking back that was one of the best moments in my life, me and my bro going to a loving couple that would nurture and raise us to become what we are today.

-=Good Selling=-

OMG It's a Brother!

OMG, it's a Brother "Part 3"

Art Post · 4/24/1912:57 AM

It Tuesday evening, just past midnight my time and a little past nine pm Vegas time.

The flight out to Vegas was comfortable and a nice flight. I had five hours to reflect on meeting Peter (my brother) at McCarren airport. About a week ago I had suggested that he pick me up at the airport on his way to Las Vegas. Peter agreed and the time was coming to and end when we finally would meet in person.

For the last three weeks we've been chatting on and off. With most of the calls was more about getting to know each other a little better, what we've done, where we've been, and what's happening now. Additional over the last two weeks I've been doing some additional digging on Ancestry for additional relatives that may know more about our birth parents.

I was able to connect and speak with one niece, one nephew and hear about a half brother that resides in Florida. On one of those phone calls I found out that Peter and I are already rich! Rich is new family that is, seems we have many great nieces and great nephews that are spread all across the United States. In addition I was able to put some pieces of the puzzle together as to why we were adopted. Those pieces was something that I was prepared for. I won't get into them here, but can attest that both Peter and I have wonderful and caring parents that adopted us many years ago. Peter's father is alive and well, while both my parents had passed many years ago.

I asked Peter to meet me at the baggage area that Monday night. Because he was not familiar with the layout of the airport I opted to find him at the pick up waiting area. In one of our phone calls Peter had described the car that he drives, sure enough the car and Peter were ready and waiting. I knocked on the window and there we were. Face to face, both of us thinking holy crap, we can't believe the resemblance. We didn't spend much time together since it was past 1AM for me and we also planned to spend the day together tomorrow. We had some small talk and had a great big Bro hug and tomorrow would be another day.

I was up at the crack of dawn because of the time difference (something I normally don't do). I took some time at the hotel, cup of coffee, check my emails, send some emails and then placed a call to Peter. Peter was staying near Freemont Street while I was on the south side. The call to Peter went right to voice mail, okay I thought he's on his time, and I'll wait a bit. Another hour passed and the call went to voice mail again. All righty then, let me wait a little longer. It was about 9:30AM when we finally connected. Peter's phone ran out of juice on the overnight. He stated he would be a little bit, however I'm not the waiting type and hopped on the monorail that would take me to the Stratosphere Hotel. I figured a short walk to Freemont Street from there. Well that short walk was 3 miles! Peter called a few times and I stated I can see the Golden Nugget, I'll be there soon.

I finally arrived at the Golden Nugget maybe somewhere around 11AM. We then went to Binion's to grab a bite to eat. One of the questions I has to ask was "do you feel like you're looking at the mirror when we're talking?" Peter agreed the resemblance is pretty remarkable and the bond we've built in one afternoon is pretty amazing. We shared pictures, stories, laughs and had some good times today. We ended the night arriving back at the MGM for dinner. It still amazes me that we are so much alike and share many other things.

At dinner I did run into Steve from Innovolt, Steve stated, "is this your brother?' I exclaimed YES it is and introduced Peter.

A little later I had ran into Earl Everson, saw a few others fellow P4P'ers that were engaged in a lively discussion. I decided it was time to turn in and get ready for tomorrow at ITEX.

Tomorrow night, I'll be posting up some ITEX stuff and I'll be seeing Peter later in the day.

-=Good Selling=-

OMG It's a Brother!

OMG, it's a Brother "Part 2"

Art Post · 4/5/1910:39 PM

It's been a little bit more than a week since I posted OMG, it's a Brother! That blog detailed how I took an @Ancestry DNA test and found out that I have a biological brother living in Arizona.

The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions (it was a tough week to focus on selling copiers), my brother and I have had quite a few phone calls, shared some pictures (facebook) shared some laughs and shared some of our earliest memories about growing up in New Jersey.

Twenty Miles

Get this, we grew up less than 20 miles away from each other! Like, OMG really. I can remember in my younger days attending parties, to this say I remember someone coming up to be and thinking I was someone else. I was told I look exactly like that person. Okay, you've had a few, I've had a few let's continue the party an never really thought about that again.

Hazlet, NJ

Thus, the surprises keep on coming. While speaking with my brother he told me that his parents (adopted, still Mom & Dad) had lived in Hazlet, NJ. My brother attended Raritan High School and upon graduation entered the Marines. He was shipped to Paradise Island for boot camp. He was then stationed in Vietnam for the last year of the war. He stayed in the Marines for 20 years!

But, I want to to back to Hazlet, NJ. This is where the connections are just amazing. My wife is from Hazlet, NJ (go figure), and when speaking with my brother and where he lived, my wife knew the exact house he lived in. In fact he was the paperboy that delivered papers to the house where my wife grew up. I thought, this is wild! First thing I stated to my wife was, "okay, so you had a crush on the paperboy, and then 20 years later I came around snapped you up". Well, we all had a couple of chuckles with that one.

Facebook

After the first day or so, we connected on facebook. His page, just like mine does not contain many pictures of ourselves. After a quick look at my brothers page I was able to find his wife, and like all great wives the pictures of the hubby were many! Thus, there it was, I saw my first picture of my brother and I was floored. No joke, he looked more me than me and me and my twin brother. For some pics it was like looking in the mirror. It was a little freaky at first. Like I stated it's been a roller coaster of emotions and still is.

In turn my brother connected with my wife's page and all of my pictures where there for him and his wife to see. "OMG, he looks just like you!", his wife stated. Hold on now, we both have a full head of hair, but at least mine is still salt and pepper and his is all grey. Thus the next step was a posting of each other on our facebook pages. The comments from everyone was awesome and quite helpful.

Realationship

As we continued to have conversations, one conversation led to some of the cars we used to have. Turns out my brother had a 1960 Ford Thunderbird (he bought when he was older), well I didn't have 1960 Ford Thunderbird...., I had a 1964 Thunderbird that I had purchased in my early forties.

We shared some medical info which is always good since neither of us had any family medical history. I only knew the medical history of my twin brother but he had passed away in his mid-forties. Thus we're trading our medical war stories and we find out that we both had the same medical issue at the same place on our bodies (nothing major, just some minor stuff). The similarities are just astounding. You know, you seen this kinda of stuff on TV, but you never ever think that you would experience finding a sibling and then finding out that we shared many experiences and never even knew it.

The last week of April I'll be traveling to @ITEX in Vegas. My brother plans to drive up from Phoenix (4 hours or so) and we'll get together on Tuesday somewhere and spend the day together. It's a working vacation for me, however I also plan to spend some time with him on Wednesday evening also. Thursday mid-day I'm back on a flight to Jersey, and my brother will be heading home to Phoenix.

For the last week or so, I've had some help from a very special person that was also adopted at birth. She's a great friend and I thank her for digging in to help me with finding out more about my family. Turns out we've already located some information on our parents (both deceased), but have connected with a number of cousins who have given us some incredible information. Some good, some not so good. For others who may be doing the same research it is a daunting task working the leads and trying to piece them together.

I'm hoping that when I get to see Peter, I can tell him more about our family and where we came from.

It's about 10:30 Friday night and I'm still amazed and grateful that my wife got me the DNA test for my birthday. Oh, wait a minute I forgot about this. My brother was given his Ancestry DNA kit from his wife last Christmas. Thus he had his results probably about the first or second week of February. My results were posted about a week ago. How freaky is that?

Everyone have a great week and thanx to everyone who PM'd me, emailed me and called me about this wonderful experience!

-=Good Selling=-

OMG It's a Brother!

Art Post · 3/28/199:14 PM

Back in January of this year my wife asked me what I wanted for my Birthday which is Feb 7th (if anyone would like to send me a card or a gift) . I thought about many things and finally stated, "hey why don't you get me one of those Ancestry.com DNA tests?" My wife looked at me and with that look she gives me and said "really"?", "yes that's what I want" and with a nod of the head I knew that's what was coming for my birthday.

I wanted the ancestry.com because I was living in a foster home with my twin brother until we were three years old. I can still remember certain events from that age. What I remember the most is the time we were hustled in the car, driven down the NJ Turnpike and delivered to our new adopted parents. I believed we asked, where we're going and was told that we're going to our new home. My wife finds it hard to believe that I remember events from when I was three years old, I guess with an event like that it stays with you forever.

Thanks to God, we had wonderful, loving and supporting parents. God be good to the two of them (they passed many years ago), they were and still are my Mom & Dad.

Almost twenty years ago my twin bother passed away. Since that time, well let's say that I've felt alone in the world because I'm the only one left with my bloodline. Sounds kinda crazy right.

Anyway back to the Ancestry test, I wanted that because I needed to know my ethnic background after 62 years> I was tired of thinking of myself as a basket baby and needed to know something about me.

A little over a year ago I was able to get my original birth certificate from the State of New Jersey. For years and years those records would not be released to adoptees. However all of that changed and if you filled out a form and gave the state twenty-five bucks you could get one. Mind you, that birth certificate could be redacted if the birth parents requested it.

I think it was eight months later that I received documents from the State, low and behold there were no redactions. Ya! I finally knew my birth name, first and last. My last name was Conti and my first name was "baby A". WTF!, "baby A", was that some kind of joke? After a minutes of thinking, yeah that's probably right because the parents knew they were putting both of us up for adoption and my twin brother was probably "baby B". But I had something, I had the names of my parents (first, and last) and also their age and birth locations. However those data points has led me to dead ends trying to find out more about them. It was so exhausting that I just gave up.

Right, right, back to the Ancestry DNA. My wife had a small bet that I'm Italian, and I begged to differ and told her. "betcha it comes back as French". After 5 weeks of waiting, checking the app, and waiting, I was notified my results were in!

Woohoo, the day has come. I was not shocked that my DNA showed 67% for Northern Italy, nor the 10% England, Wales, 7% French, 7% German, but how the heck did I get 1% Middle East?

Hey, I was happy, I finally knew my ethnicity. But there was a shocker with this news. My DNA test matched someone else, in fact it was so close that Ancestry labeled that person as an immediate family member. A grandparent, a sister or a brother. I knew grandparents there was no fraking way, but a sister or a brother are you for real?

Ancestry listed that person (to connect, kinda like and inmail with Linkedin) and it seems I have another Brother out in the world. In fact that brother is alive and well and living in the SouthWest USA. The name was there and a button to connect with that person through Ancestry. Yeah, I was floored, and I was hesitant at first. First thing I did was a google search with images and the first thing I see is a guy that does have a resemblance that has a full head of gray hair. Dang, I got a full head of hair also, but it's not all gray yet.

Thus, I clicked the connect button, shot off a short message with names of my birth parents. Six or seven hours go by and I get a message back and he mentions that he too was adopted, lived in NJ, and mentioned some data points that he knew. It wasn't long before we were sending messages. I checked out his facebook page and my wife and I were floored with the resemblance of the photo's. There was no doubt that he is my Brother.

He was just as shocked as I was, even his wife remarked about how much we looked alike. Dang, my twin brother and I looked almost nothing alike.

We've since chatted on the phone, exchanged some stories and data. On April 22nd I'm going to ITEX in Las Vegas, my brother lives in Phoenix, Arizona and will be making the drive to Vegas while I'm there. We'll meet and spend some time together. But above all he's not alone in this world anymore! I guess making the decision to go to ITEX was a good one. My wife always tells me that things happen for a reason.

See you never know what the tomorrows will bring you!

-=Good Selling=-

I wrote and addition 3 blogs on this topic here